Notes From The Flip Side: 05.05.2002
For once, Frasier is letting me work relatively uninterrupted. Usually he comes up behind me and butts his head against my elbow, causing a few typos in the process. I'm never quite sure what he wants - sometimes I think he just wants some attention. I scratch him on the head a bit and he goes back to the bed, curls up and dozes off. Much as he's doing now.
These days, I find myself writing about trivial things like sleeping dogs. I find myself leaving voice mail for my girlfriend to tell her about the fat little sparrows eating weeds on the porch.
I say that I find myself writing about these things because I don't consciously sit down to write about them.
I sit down to write about other things. I sit down to write about my age. About growing up (see Down By Law's "All American" for the distinction between growing up and old) and settling in. I sit down to write about the big things and usually find myself jotting down details from my life instead.
I've been in a reflective mood lately. I've been down sick for several days now, coughing up caramel-colored mucous while chasing biaxin and prednisone with protein smoothies, so I've had plenty of time to think as I've drifted in and out of consciousness.
I've had plenty of time to think, but all I've done is pet the dog, watch movies and sleep.
I feel like I've been in a rut for a long time, that I've been going through the motions - that, to paraphrase Bob Mould in "These Important Years," I've been getting up every morning and seeing it's still the same and all the rest remains.
It occurred to me that I might be experiencing some form of low-grade depression; I talked to my doctor about it when I went in to take care of this cold - it might be the case that I've just been sick for longer than I thought and the illness has been weighing me down. And I hope that's all it is.
And it may just be the case that I'm taking stock of where I am, that I'm taking a breather and figuring out that where I am is not where I want to be.
A selection of MP3s that I ripped for Pee Air, including: Seam, "Intifada Driving School"; Antarctica, "Absence"; Brace, "Domestic Transfer"; Blueline Medic, "Not Interested"; Saint Etienne, "People Get Real"; Chet Baker, "My One And Only Love"; National Skyline, "Make It Stop"; One Last Wish, "This Time"; Bright Eyes, "Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night"; Ted Leo, "Squeaky Fingers"
Italo Calvino, "t zero"; Greil Marcus, "The Old, Weird America"; Naomi Klein, "No Logo"; John Kuenster, "Heartbreakers"; David Halberstam, "Summer Of '49"; Roger Kahn, "The Boys Of Summer"