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Fuck Metallica

By Scott Puckett

Where Do They Come Up With This Shit?

In the words of the now defunct Dodgeball, what happened to Metallica? The once-mighty speed metal band that mellowed out in the 1990s - and promptly started sucking - has finally managed to shoot their principles in the head for good. Metallica has filed suit against Napster under RICO and copyright statutes for allowing people to find and download Metallica MP3s.

I Got A Right

In fairness, they have the right to sue Napster. Really, they can sue anyone they like, legally. It just seems highly hypocritical for the band that allows fans to tape their live shows to start complaining about Napster. In the meantime, the band members are mumbling mealy-mouthed platitudes about "art" - this from the band that gleefully tore through a cover of "Last Caress" and for some reason believes that "Whiskey in the Jar" is a Thin Lizzy original. You fucking morons.

Commercial Fucking Suicide

Maybe it won't matter to the majority of Metallica's fans (most of whom are too young to remember the band when they were actually good), but this lawsuit matters to me. It matters so much that I won't own a Metallica album again. I won't play a Metallica song in a jukebox again. This lawsuit strikes me as the whining of rich rock stars who want to make even more money.

Greed Is Good

Let's break it down - no one is stealing Metallica's songs. They are credited for the work they do. They just aren't getting royalties from the online distribution of MP3s through Napster, and they can't control it. The real issue isn't art - their art is being freely disseminated amongst fans. The real issues are getting paid and controlling the channels of distribution.

The Original Crybaby Wah Wah

It's hard for me to feel sorry for the lads, especially when their CDs typically sell for more than $17. It's also hard for me to buy the argument that it's going to cause them any financial distress. It's quite simple - people who like the band are going to buy the albums. They may also download MP3s, but they will give the band their 30 pieces of silver. People who like the band for the proverbial one song will download the MP3. They most likely wouldn't buy the album or single; frankly, records cost too much to get them for just one song. End of argument.

Disposable Heroes

Let's just be blunt - fuck insignificant rock stars who desperately try to cash in on trends and cling to fleeting fame by their fingernails. Fuck rock stars whose pathetic attempts at relevance lead them to such debasement. If I were in their shoes, I'd break up the band and drop out of sight before I undertook such an embarrassing and humiliating course of action. As I told a friend of mine not too long ago, the revolution will not be televised, it will be downloaded. I guess we all know which side Metallica is on.

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Last modified on Wednesday, March 26, 2008